Imagine you're hearing the song "I Will Be Here" or better yet, play it while reading this. I hope you guys got my message. Love you all!

To my dearest highschool friends,

Thank y'all for last Saturday night. In Mong's words, di ko talaga makakalimutan ang gabi na ito! Well party's over, and off we go to live our own separate lives. Yes, separate. Perhaps after highschool, we really are separated now. Or maybe I'm the one separated? Sometimes, I ask myself: Tama ba ang desisyon ko? Tama ba na nag-Ateneo ako? If only I studied in La Salle like you all did, I won't be living a life separated from yours...

Actually, I was touched by all of you. You know, it isn't about the gifts you brought for me. The mere fact that ALL of you made it last Saturday, was enough reason for me to be really satisfied with my life. At least diba, may mapagmamalaki rin ako: ano ngayon kung di ako mayaman? Ano ngayon kung peke lang Ferragamo na wallet ko? Ano ngayon kung L300 matchbox lang ang sasakyan namin? I've got 15 friends I couldn't live without: Joshua, Charles, Jeatte, Jes, Aaron, Xtian, Dianne, Fo, Mong, Anly, Erik, Hanna, Diana, Suz, Rachel at dahil sa inyo mas mayaman pa ako kay Richie Rich! XP

But its times like these that make me remember all that we've been through; its times like these that make me think: marami pala akong pagkukulang sa inyo. I remembered how our friendship all started. I met you all during different stages of my student life. Some during Preschool like Hanna, Jes, Diana and Charles, some Grade School like Jeatte, FO and Erik, and most of you from High School like Dianne, Suz, Anly, Rachel, Xtian, Mong, Aaron and Joshua. I'm glad that all of you accepted me with open arms. Minsan, di ko talaga alam kung bakit niyo ako tinanggap, after all that I've done, or should I say, not done. Ano ba meron sa akin? I was never there. Alam ko nagdaramdam kayo sa akin: laging wala si Honey. Laging busy si Honey. Laging di sumasama si Honey. College has made all these complications even more... complicated. La Salle, CSB, UST kayo lahat, as for me? Ateneo, ang layo grabe. Always left behind, always far away. When in highschool I already didn't have the chance to spend time with you, paano pa ngayon?

Hay, mga pagkukulang ko sa inyo. When one of you have problems, I'm always the last to know, always the last person to offer help, and the help I offer is always the most useless one. Maybe that's why I can't blame you guys everytime I feel left out, everytime you are reluctant when sharing with me your kwentos or your chit-chats. Perhaps I need more fitting in, I need more catching up. I should think less of myself, like studying in a prestigious school such as Ateneo, so I can be with you guys and make up for what I owe all of you. And so, I thought: guess it's time for me to change, for all of your sake.


To Joshua, Aaron and Erik,
alam ko lagi ko kayong linoloko, as in walang tigil na pang-aasar. Nakakainis ba ako minsan? Forgive me pare... I know you've all been really helpful, and funny and dependable everytime. Si Joshua, laging determinado at ginagaan ang trabaho. Si Aaron, laging nan diyan para kumanta at gawing makulay ang buhay. Si Erik ang henyo na binago at pinahaba ang last chapter ng thesis para mabawasan ang gagawin ko. XP Starting now, I'll be more helpful and less annoying. I hope you guys can realize that maaasahan niyo rin ako sa anumang bagay kahit kailan. Sana di kayo napipikon sa akin. Sana bigyan niyo ako ng pagkakataon. Pasensya...

To Hanna,
dear, you're the closest friend I ever had. 13 years of friendship certainly has brought us through the thickest and the thinnest of times huh? I know there was a time that we fell apart, but look what God has done to us! Falling apart and getting back together certainly has taught me a lot. I learned to cherish you, and I realized that sometimes, people don't just come and go. They leave marks on you, and it's up to you to decide if you want to hold on to the ones who left the deepest marks. I certainly won't let go of you. I know how, at times, you feel inferior with me. I'm sorry for what I made you feel. From now on, everytime you need me, I'll always answer your call. I want to make you feel special with the things I do for you. Kahit naka-busy ang status ko sa YM, basta kung nagBUZZ! ka, siguradong rereplyan kita. XP

To Charles,
we've known each other since like, preschool? Gosh dami na rin pala natin pinagdaanan. And there was a time that we fought over some stupid disagreement. You know what. Siguro kung sinubukang kong intindihan ang side mo, we'd be better friends than what we are now. Sayang, sayang talaga, and to think it's my fault. Sorry talaga. Since we're both in Ateneo now, perhaps its God's way of reminding us about our friendship. I hope you'd still treat me as a friend who's always around the corner, someone you can count on through Fs and Ds in Math LTs, through problematic blockmates, through evil girlfriends XP. I assure you I'll be there everytime you need me.

To Jeatte,
I owe you so much friend. The many times you've tried to approach me, the many times you've needed my help, and I'm always, always not there. You must have hated me then, huh? I'm sorry Jeatte. I feel so low everytime I remember the times you told me how you feel neglected. I never meant it but I guess that was how I made you feel, and that wasn't supposed to happen. I'm really, really sorry. I tried my best to make it up for you during your debut, that was why I was forcing everyone to join the performance, and I made no hesitation to host your special event. I hope that somehow, your debut can serve as my first act of making it up to you. Basta, if you need me, I promise I'll be there no matter what. Kahit papakinig mo sa akin mga kanta ni Rain, okay lang sa akin! XP

To Suz and Dianne,
we started with, what? Baked thongs and magi savor which eventually led to Thongsters? Then the prelims? The Tic-tac-drop games during class? Memories grabe. If it hadn't been for the two of you, I wouldn't meet the greatest barkada of my life: Tidibur! I owe my social life to the two of you. Thanks for putting up with my kakulitan, my insanity, my weird personalities and my childishness. Gaano man ka-childish si Dianne, times 10 pa ako nun, kaya lagi rin niya ako pinapagalitan! Thanks for bringing out the sense in me. As for Suz, mommy na mommy, ever so patient and so understanding. Kahit pikon na pikon na kayo minsan, tinitiis niyo pa rin ako. I'm so sorry. Wala na talaga ako maipagmamalaki, kasi alam kong talong-talo ako kung ikukumpara sa inyo. And I promise to go to all Tidibur outings, kahit commute na ako pauwi. I shall sacrifice for all of you! XP I'm sorry talaga.

To Xtian and Mong,
the memories we've shared consisted mostly of taskforce in the mornings. I remember how X will put up with my childishness, despite the fact that I was supposed to assist her with the troop. Then I suppose Mong must have found me weird when I talk about random stuff... randomly. I'm so sorry! I must have acted so weird that I would have freaked you out! Magpapakanormal na ako. Mong, I'm sorry I made you cry last Saturday. If you have any similar problems, I hope you can trust me to help you with them. We're gonna kick asses together! XP Xtian, sometimes, I really think you understand all of my predicaments. Thank you so much. I hope that when you need anything, you can approach me as well, same way I seek your help in times of trouble. And I promise, I'm normal now. XP

To Anly and Diana,
I'm sorry for being impatient and bossy at times. I hope you understand that I never meant to hurt anyone, but it's just so difficult when all the emotions are building up inside of my heart. Never will I hurt you two, ever again. Anly, thank you so much for being so sweet. Though I usually wasn't able to express my gratitude, deep inside, thanks talaga, as in! Diana, I'll always be your "Honey, my love". XP When you got problems in life, in studies, in love and a lot, lot more, I'm just a text away, or an IM away. I assure you, you can certainly depend on me right now! Thank you for giving me this chance.

To Jes,
who would think we can become this close in high school? I thank you for all the times you've been putting up with my weirdness and my very busy status. Jiji, sana di ka nagtatampo sa akin. Sana pagbigyan mo na ako. Thank you for being a patient listener. If you need anything, may it be schoolwork, social life, anything, don't hesitate to ask me.

To Rachel,
I can't believe college could actually take the two of us, Hunny and Mais, apart. I'm sorry for the times that you felt neglected. Alam ko kung may kailangan ka, lagi na lang akong busy, kundi walang time para tulungan ka. I'm sorry. And despite all that you remained to be a friend, thank you for understanding me. Kahit busy ang status ko sa YM, sige kulitin mo lang ako. Okay lang. XP I'd rather you annoy me than you ignore me forever.

To FO,
gosh, lagi na lang kung may kailangan, si FO ang pupuntahan. But I never remembered you asking for my help. Dahil ba di ako approachable? O wala ka talagang mga problema? FO, sana kung may mga problema ka, remember this friend you got here. Kaya rin kita tulungan, bigyan mo naman ako ng pagkakataon. I'll do as much as I can. And if you need someone to just listen to you rant about life, I'm here, anytime, anywhere. Thanks for all your help FO, this time, I'm going to repay you for all your kindness.

To Tidibur,
I know I wasn't really a part of the original Tidibur. You guys met since Grade 6 and first year highschool, while I was a mere addition to the group when we reached fourth year. Thank you so much for accepting me. You guys made me realize the value of a barkada, someone you can turn to when you meet problems in life, problems with crushes, or you just want to cry your heart out. At least now, I know who to contact first before I finally decided to commit suicide. XP

To Powder,
I certainly love this family, regardless of the mystery as to who are real dad is. I'm thankful I met you guys during my last year in highschool. I know how I usually miss your conferences because of my busy schedule, well, at least I was able to catch up with Aaron's birthday blowout. XP I love you guys! Mommy Suz, Ahia Aawon, Shoti Joshua, Shobe Dianne, Daddy Erik and Diana the pet!

To my dearest friends,
If there was a time that I made you inferior, or left out, or any negative feelings, know that that's not what I meant to happen. I want you all to know that you will always be someone far better than me, because if it hadn't been for all of you, no one would ever see Honey Lynne Sy the way she is now.

With tears in my eyes now, I offer this entry as a tribute to the best friends any person would want in the whole world! Thank you so much! May our friendship lasts forever.

~Habee

I arrived school at 7:30 thinking I was late for my first class when suddenly, I was shocked to see our Fil classroom deserted. Then did I remember that we were supposed to have a free cut today... *dang*


So here I am at the open lab, finally using my hours to good use. I'm studying for my CS midterms tomorrow, at the same time watching Bleach videos over YouTube and reading Bleach manga with Ambs. XP My next class is at 10:30 so another hour to go... and it's Math class *crap*. I can't wait to swim. But *boo* for swimming exam.

Spelling lessons for today:

Aawon (2007/1/23 08:56:03): H
Aawon (2007/1/23 08:56:03): A
Aawon (2007/1/23 08:56:03): B
Aawon (2007/1/23 08:56:06): E
Aawon (2007/1/23 08:56:06): E
Honey (2007/1/23 08:58:43): A
Honey (2007/1/23 08:58:46): B
Honey (2007/1/23 08:58:47): U

Oh diba? Educational!!! XP

I know I'm not supposed to be blogging now, but thought I should update you guys of my achievements for the past few days. (haha... naks! Achievements. XP)

1. I finished our CS hands on last Saturday. Just on time. I'm so happy to see that egg and box bounce against each other.
2. I finished my Fil paper, finally, yesterday. And I've finished editing it today. I just hope it's really gonna get me a good grade, like what Mika said.

Yah. That's all there is. Hehe.. and I still call them achievementS. XP Anyway, I hope I do good in our Math LT 3 tomorrow!

Forgive the emo-ness. But it really is hell week next week.

Also, my blog is still under construction. There won't be Haloscan comments in the meantime so tag! XP

Thanks. Math is hell.

Its hell week next week!
Its hell next week!
Next week is hell week!
Next week is hell!
Hell week, next week.
Hell! next week.

I feel...

old.

doh.

Yes. Today is my 18th birthday. The day started out great. I woke up with 7 birthday messages waiting for me. XP Even the people I least expected greeted me.

I was on my way to the trike station when I received my first birthday gift: McDo ampao. Ten steps away, I met another McDo personnel who gave me my second birthday gift: McDo ampao. McDonardo has finally seen my efforts and has decided to award me for my loyalty!

We were given a CS project to work on. I thought that day was never going to happen but well it did. I'm supposed to be doing that now instead of blogging, but heck! XP Kim gave me my third birthday gift: a stuffed bear. Matt couldn't stop singing the birthday song. Mek and Matt even made a joke out of it. (Matt: you could consider a career as megaphone in the future. XP)

My english block was just as thoughtful, especially with my family there. XP The library tour was boring, so was Lit class.

Lunch time I got my fourth gift: Sher bought me choco mousse! Even Mek ate. XP There was nothing left in the box before the hour was over.

Time droned on and I was home before you can say: "Happy birthday Honeeyyyyy!" (that was a joke) It was dark when I got home. After dinner, was my fifth and final gift: Pa, Ma, my uncle, my aunt and my five cute cousins singing the birthday song for me over an ice cream cake my uncle and aunt bought for me. That was the best moment of my life.

No candles. No icing. Just me, my family and ice cream. What more can I wish for? XP

I've never seen faces this happy and smiles this cheerful for a long, long time. Yes. Those are the faces you're going to get once you've aced the mock ACM programming competition. I'm not bragging if that's what you think. My teammates and I were surprised ourselves when we saw Team 2 ranking the top of the list. I guess we just did our very best and the most of what we were capable of.

Team Dos: Mika, Kim and Honey. Together in mock ACMs and Pusoy Dos! XP

Watching my cousins whose age range from 3-7, I thought of my own childhood years. Frankly, I don't remember much about them, besides some significant times when my classmate inserted my hand in between the school tables on purpose and I got stuck there for quite some time, when I almost drowned in my aunt's swimming pool, when my classmate asked me to do his homework for him and I did as I was told, and many many more. You could say I was really stupid back then. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't make up my own mind. I couldn't do things normal kids can do. I've always felt abnormal, strange and different. In a good way, let's say I'm innocent or naive, but most people think otherwise. Thinking back, I don't know why I acted that way before. I remembered my first day in grade school, I was wearing a fading green school skirt, and a white blouse that are already growing yellow over the years that my mom's friend's daughter wore that uniform. Open my bag and I find an old set of school books for the new school year. While everyone flashed their colorful, shiny textbooks, my heart sank as I hid behind my tattered school books with yellow pages. Perhaps that was how I started to act strange. I was never accepted, I was always the laughing stock of our class. I alone keep myself company all the time. I was never confident with myself, not even my high grades could help me with that, because people start calling me a nerd.

I never really remembered how I overcame that state. But I'm proud to say that I'm still alive right now, haven't thought of committing suicide like other emo people in my 17 years of life. I can't say people really accept me now, who knows, they must have learned not to criticize me in front of my face, but I guess I don't really care anymore. Well, I've gotten used to it, and there was nothing I could do anyway, so why try right? Call me a geek, call me a nerd, call me Honey the Strange or whatever you want, I'm still Honey Lynne Tan Sy, and for once, I'm sure I'm living my life the way I wanted. And no one's gonna make me think twice about that, not in a million years.

Christmas vacation journal Part.2

Day.7 12.27
We attended yet another party. My godparents came from Singapore and so my parents and their friends arranged a reunion just for them. There were lots of food, and chocolates from Singapore. I drank some Bailey and got sickening red right after. Two of my cousins tagged along too and they enjoyed performing in front of the grown-ups, and get gifts and kisses after of course. Then when the grown-ups got tired of them, I taught them how to be camwhorers! hehe... yep, we took lotsa pictures. We got home 2 in the morning. Whoah ain't that EARLY?!

Day.8 12.28
Well, my "date" with Sharm didn't push through; it was too last-minute I guess. So I got back to working since my uncle needed more hands since its December and I didn't have anything to do. We ended at around 12 mn and so I went back to bed right after. Oh did I say right after? Yah, I meant right after I worked, got online, chatted with friends, learned from Sharm that she can't make it again tomorrow, listened to music, watched some TV, ate some junk food and took a bath. XP I ended up sleeping at around 2:30 in the morning. WHEW!

Day. 9 12.29
So, I learned I couldn't make it to Mika's birthday either. And Sir Yol's words were really tugging at my ear. I finally persuaded my mom to accompany me to the nearest mall, which is SM of course, to watch a film-fest movie, since she didn't want me to go alone. We watched "Matakot Ka Sa Karma" which is not really "nakakatakot" at all, but it was nice. XP Then, we went late-Christmas shopping for gifts for my cousins. When we got home, I proceeded to working at once, completely forgetting about my empty stomach till around 10 pm. Before we hit the bunks, mom and I watched another movie DVD "Open Water". It was so boring, DON'T watch it!!!

Day.10 12.30

Wow! It's been some time since I've played Domino, not to mention the kiddie version of Domino, you know, the ones where all you have to do was match the faces of... well for this instance, Winnie the Pooh and his gang. Yep, I sure got tired of playing that, under the persistence of my cousin. Then in the afternoon we watched "Herbie Fully Loaded". Haha... it's silly but I kinda wished I had a car like that! Then another movie before bed. "Flight 93", almost killed me. Ack!

Day.11 12.31
New Year's Eve! After our usual Sunday family rituals, then another round of Domino, and lotsa lotsa food, we're all set for the fireworks. Well, I got hit by fireworks, AGAIN. Last year I got hit at my ankle, then I discovered (well, at least I thought I did) that I had better leg coordination that year. This year, I got hit on the forehead, does that mean I grow taller?! haha... Happy New Year everyone!

Day.12 1.1.07!
Happe Happe Nu Yer! haha... got kinda drunk from last night. *Hey! that was just two gulps of red wine!* We attended another party (haha... I think I'm starting to become a frequent party-goer) this time at my godfather's house. It was a despedida party for my godparents' who are leaving for Singapore tomorrow. How I wish I could go with them! *Hmm... the luggage looks big. Ack! When did I become this fat?!* I watched my godfather's sons playing PS2, made me want a PSP really badly.... It was a fun fun day overall, made lots of friends too! Slept at 2:30 pm. (Hmm.. improvement.)

Brainy Kid

In high school, you were acing AP classes or hanging out in the computer lab. You may have been a bit of a geek back then, but now you're a total success!

Who Were You In High School?

---> Waw! Is this true?!

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is in a very different place (both physically and mentally) from where you are right now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Some thoughts I'd like to share... again, I found these in my old grade school notebooks. XP

* A man of words and not of deeds is a garden full of weeds.
* The integrity of men is to be measured by their conduct, not by their profession.
* The glory of living is not in every fall, but in how you fall and rise again.
* To know that you know what you know and that you do not know what you do not know: that is true knowledge.
* You cannot expect a person to see eye to eye with you when you are looking down on him.
* What others say of me matters little. What I myself say and do matters much.

I was going over my highschool projects and I found this. Wow, I wonder how my mind was working then... hehe... hope you guys like it!

My ABCs
A - accepts failure with an open mind
B - a bookworm; I love to read books
C - creative; that's why I love to draw
D - determined in everything I do
E - energetic everyday, ready for the challenges in store for me
F - funny and likes to tickle others' funny bones
G - gentle both in mind and heart
H - helpful to the max
I - idealistic person with goals in life
J - jolly personality equipped with lots of jokes
K - kind-hearted person
L - loyal to my friends
M - mythology is my favorite
N - numerous friends around me
O - outdoor person; likes sports, shopping and vacations
P - patient to all those who need my help
Q - quick-thinking person who reacts quickly in situations
R - reliable to my family and friends
S - sensitive and sheds tears easily
T - thoughtful to everyone
U - understanding in situations
V- vigilant and aware of my surroundings
W - a workaholic; there's never a boring day for me
X - eXtraordinary in every way I can
Y - youthful and filled with vigor
Z - possess zeal as I accomplish my dreams!

Christmas Vacation journals...

Day.1 - 12.21
First day of vacation, I've decided to really enjoy myself. I spent the whole day watching videos from YouTube. Sadly, I still haven't finished Magician's of Love. But heck, YouTube will never vanish from me, so if I don't finish it this break, there's still summer vacation, and next school year's sembreak. Good luck to me!

Day.2 - 12.22
I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm actually programming! I finished Eksaitobaiku, and I got tired of finishing Speed Tic-Tac-Toe. (Why isn't it working?!) Right now, I still have to prepare for a party I'm hosting for my Pa's friends. Work... work... work...

Day.3 - 12.23
I went shopping with my Godparents today. We went to Shangrila mall to buy the raffle prizes needed for the party. It was really fun. There are so many toys, yet they are all so expensive. It's great to be a kid again, but it's greater to be rich. hehe... Then we ate at Green Tomato afterwards. The pasta was great and so is the pizza. I've always like thin crust pizzas, that is why I prefer Yellow Cab over Pizza Hut. When I got home we went to visit family friends to deliver their Christmas gifts. It was really tiring.

Day.4 - 12.24
It's Tin's birthday! We took our lunch at Pancake House then we went home to prepare for the party that night. Mom prepared fried chicken and spaghetti: all Tin's favorites. My cousins also brought along with them their PS2. Yey! I competed with my other cousins in Nitro Kart racing and Chicken Little mini kart racing. haha... It's definitely great to be a kid again!

Day.5 - 12.25
Christmas Day! As usual, we set off really early today to visit my parents' godparents. From Binondo to Zapote and from Zapote back, it was a really tiring but exciting road trip. Yes, it was quite boring for a Christmas Day, but at least I spent it with my parents, and my big family.

Day.6 - 12.26
Today is the day of the party I am to host. All the kids enjoyed I guess, even though just a few of them participated in the games. But they definitely enjoyed the raffle. I enjoyed watching the kids play around and have fun. And of course, I like the one and only prize I got from the party: a Clue boardgame! Yah!

Christmas break has officially begun! To start with, here are some things I plan to do over the break:

1. Gimicking
1.1. with Powder and Tidibur <--- this one will be merged, we're basically one big happy family anyway!
1.2. with Stace and Sharm ( and Bents probably?! ) <--- I miss my Chinese gang!
1.3. Block N <--- let's go skating at MOA!
1.4. with my cuzzin and my mom <--- 168 haggling is the best!
1.5. starbatch batch party <--- definitely hope this pushes through. Leslie.... :P

2. You Tube-ing teleseries
2.1. Magicians of Love <--- I'm in episode 5!
2.2. Bleach <--- Where did I stop??!!
2.3. A Game of Love <--- Haven't even started this one.... *slamsfaceontable*
2.4. Grey's Anatomy?! <--- Wanna check this out... go with the flow you know... hehe...

3. Weffriddle-ing <--- Batch 4 here i come!

4. Eclipse-ing <--- As much as I want to avoid this, I can't. Team 8 we gotta practice!

5. Write AT LEAST one chapter for ABOL. <--- I failed doing this last sembreak.

6. Finish my song and hopefully write a new one. <--- anyone good with notes? | anyone knows where to find note-converter software? | 143 club we're gonna record soon, I hope.

At ano pa ang hinahangad ko, kundi ang pag-ibig mo?
Kung sakaling panaginip lang ito, at ang pag-asa ay huwad at pakitang-tao lamang,
Nawa'y patayin na ako ngayon, nang di matikman ang asim ng buhay kong ito.

I'm feeling senti again. The topic of conversation shouldn't make me feel such pain. Of course, it was about me again, and this one is a happy me, a happy Honey. How did it turn out bad? When things go slightly wrong and I started to feel the same emptiness feeling my heart. How did that all happen? I have not the slightest idea. All I can say is that now I'm, alone, empty, wallowing in self-pity, and wishing that I never have to spend another birthday ever. You out there! You who might be reading this and understood what has happened, don't think that this is all your fault. I know I was wrong to blame you, but I couldn't blame myself. Think that I'm being really, really selfish. If I start blaming myself, I will feel even more miserable. Curse myself for thinking too much, curse myself for being unlike the others, curse myself for being weird, curse myself for being... being... ME. Why should I be me? Can't I be someone else? Curse myself for trying to fit in. Curse myself for trying to stand out. Face it, you won't fit in. You won't stand out. You're a needle thrown into the ocean: useless, neglected and helpless.

See me happy now, and never see me sad. Hear me laugh now and never hear me weep. Well see that ugly face and hear that silent moan, that's me... me, just me. Just Sugar Sparrow. Just Honey. Just Honey Sy. And no one else. Cause no one can be as miserable as she is. No one. No one at all.

I had a great weekend last week. On Friday, I went ice skating with my blockmates. Though my legs still hurt after swimming 18 laps the day before, they got worse after skating. But who cares right? On Saturday morning, I was really busy with Blue Christmas. The little kid Joshua was so cute and so sweet. :p Then after that I went shopping with Mom and cous. I FINALLY met Bents, and he's taller than me sadly. But heck? Who cares right? Saturday night, I attended Jatu's debut, which was held at faraway Malabon. I not only attended it, I hosted it, and I prepared our batch's surprise presentation for Jeatte. Well, the efforts were worth it definitely because I was sure Jeatte was really happy. On Sunday, we celebrated Pat's birthday at Circles. Salmon and chocolates, we meet again my all time favorites! Then that night I attended Hanna's birthday celebration, and went on camwhoring with my girls. The weekend was definitely tiring and so rest-less. But it was fun, full of adventure, I wish I could spend more weekdays like that!

If I ever get the chance to become a genius, I'm going to be a Mozart-genius.

Today, I was able to finish 18 laps in 20 minutes. That's gives me a B+ which I think is not bad at all, considering that I got cramps just by the first lap.

I wasn't in much luck today. I almost lost my ID.Only to find out that I kept it in my other bag. But it got me really worried that instead of riding the LRT, I went back to the tricycle stop just to check if I dropped my ID. Anyway, I'll just take it as exercise.

The greatest problem in my life, is that I can't stop myself from mixing reality and fantasy. Yes. I fantasize a lot, and by that I really mean A LOT! I believe there's nothing wrong with dreaming. Dreaming, in fact, sort of inspires me to work harder so as to be able to achieve my seemingly impossible dreams. But yeah, dreams and fantasies have bad effects on me too because sometimes my imagination gets too carried away. Take Ehlo Huang for instance. Yes. I love him, though I know it will take a miracle to bring the two of us together. Somehow, this Ehlo Huang craze has brought me to think about my future. Now, what bothers me isn't how I can meet Ehlo, but what I should start doing now so that I can do what I want. Yes I like programming, so I take up Computer Science. But now I come to realize, that there are a lot of other things that I really like. I like music; I want to be a singer, a composer, a music artist even. I like drawing; I want to be a cartoonist. I want to work at Walt Disney Studios. Yep. There's nothing wrong with dreaming, but it's frustrating to know that all you're dreaming of could be reality, and could be a mere fantasy as well.




I love Ehlo Huang.


Oops. Did I just say that?


But seriously, this IS a serious post.

The Ninja strikes again!

My little cousin is two years old. He's thin, very active, really naughty but not a troublemaker, so I call him my little Ninja. Well I'm going to tell you a story about this hyperactive little Ninja, and how curiosity *almost* killed him... twice.

Last October, it was my sembreak so naturally, I wake up late in the mornings. One fair morning I woke up startled by a crunching sound. My eyes quickly darted towards the standing electric fan beside my bed, because I was afraid some of its nuts and bolts went haywire. Instead, the electric fan was okay, but I saw little Ninja standing right beside it. I called him and he looked at me with his huge eyes and looked at the electric fan. "What happened?" I asked him. He was speechless for the first time and extended his index finger at me. Then I saw blood dripping from his finger and on to the floor, and I knew right there and then what had happened. Good thing the wound wasn't to deep, and little Ninja learned his lesson, that no matter what he does for his Ninja training, better leave the electric fan alone, cause it bites back.

This afternoon, we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant because the kids were craving for dimsum. Little Ninja sat with mommy, while his sister and I sat to his right. We were all enjoying our delicious bowl of Asado noodles when we both heard him calling for my mom. Mom thought he was asking for more noodles so she asked him to wait. But he kept calling her, so I asked him what he wanted. He looked at me and his face was the most bizarre one I've ever seen. His brows were crunched up and a single tooth showed. The moment he turned to me, he burst into wails! Mom started scolding him for his impatience, while his sister started coaxing him. I, on the other hand, jumped up to his side and peered into his mouth. I thought he had eaten something terrible but there was no food in his mouth. Little Ninja wouldn't stop crying. Then I noticed that he wasn't moving his arms, just kicking his legs furiously. Well guess what? His right arm got stuck to the chair. He must have naughtily inserted his arm into one of those narrow gaps of the chair. I tried hard not to laugh, seeing his state, but I guess he asked for it. Anyway, all the waiters and waitresses ran to him and started giving out crazy ideas on how to pop his hand out. One suggested to use oil as lubricant. Well it was a good one although while he ran off to get some oil, the other waiter couldn't wait long enough and suggested to use the chili oil instead. My grandmother protested at once, and we seconded the motion. Finally, someone thought of a more decent one and went to get some liquid soap. So little Ninja's arm finally broke free, though it's still red at the part where it got squished until now. New lesson, there are better gaps to hide in, just not gaps in chairs where even your arm can't fit in.

It's definitely not my first time to see such stuff, but what I saw today was the most horrible thing I saw. I've seen a dead cat, a dead frog, lots of dead roaches, err what else? Anyway, this one I'm gonna talk about is totally gruesome. Just this morning as I was walking to school with Nikka, I saw a big lump on the road just ahead of us. It was... bloody. There was a deep gash over the abdomen, with dried blood smeared all over it. Here comes the worst part, I THINK it was a rat, but I can't be so sure. You know why? Cause, the body had no head. Yep. It is beheaded. It was so disgusting! Good thing I didn't eat a heavy breakfast or else I'm sure the food's gonna come out the moment I saw that dead body. Yuck!


There was a mass today from 9-10:30 so classes during that time were cancelled. But we weren't affected because that was really our free period. So the block and Nikka and Ken hang out at Matteo Ricci to study for our Math Long Test. It was great bonding time, especially with Nikka and Ken. Well the LT was okay. Just hope the scores will turn out the same.


I love my PE! I love swimming! I love the water. I really should have been a pirate, or a mermaid, or a sailor, or a water nymph, or....

I'm proud of what I've been doing lately. Although I haven't quite accomplished half of it, but at least this time, I know I'm doing something I really like. This leads me to think (again) that I'm really living my life the wrong way. Why did I take computer science anyway, if I should have been in a better school to hone this hobby of mine? Sigh. I just hope I can be a jack of both trades, and hopefully, masters of both as well.

This morning, I arrived school early so I got to ride the trike. Saves up 50% of my daily energy. When the trike got to SEC, I waited patiently as the two other passengers paid up. Suddenly the driver nudged me.

Driver: Miss...
Moi: Sa Faura pa ako ah!
Driver: Yun nga...(irritated here) may barya ka ba? (showing me a 20 peso bill)
Moi: Ahhh... wala ho. Bente lang rin meron ko eh...
Driver: Hay naku...

After around five minutes, he was able to get some change for the two passengers. Wasting no time, he drove me to Faura. On the way, I was thinking to myself: "Shet... wala akong barya!" Luckily when I paid him 20 pesos, he was able to give me change for 7 pesos. Funny though, the first thing that popped into my mind when I kept my coins in my coin purse was: "Yey! May barya na ako! Oh happy day!" Yuck. What a great way to start the day... shallow.

OH MY GOD! Thank God we don't have classes today. Out of boredom, I scanned the TV stations of Taiwan and guess what I saw? Sam and Ehlo (my love) in a game show. OMG! Ehlo is so macho! He is so handsome! OMG OMG! I love him so much! I'm going gaga again!!! WAHHHHH!!!

I just realized last night that, not only am I addicted to tea and coffee, I'm actually addicted to alcoholic liquor too! hehe... Well, I guess I am a drinker. :)

The first time I drank red wine was at home on New Year's Eve. Well, I think it doesn't really count as red wine since it tasted like grape juice to me, just a bit more concentrated and bitter. But I liked it, although I was underaged then so, that's all I could have then.

The first time I drank beer was during a gathering with my parents' friends. My godmother, who is a good drinker herself, offered me a glass of San Miguel Beer. Well, I was reluctant at first, but since my parents' were smiling, I took the offer and drank the whole glass in one gulp. It tasted like apple juice. Anyway, the important part is... after around two minutes, I was turning into a red tomato, and I could feel myself emitting steam. Hohoho... it was hilarious! It took me an hour for my reddish color to diminish. It was the start of a new love I tell yah! hahahaha....

The second time I drank red wine was during Jewel's debut. I forgot who offered us the wine, but I think it was Jewel's brother. Well, the instant I had my first sip, my sensitivity towards alcohol attacked again. But anyway, I enjoyed every moment of it. I like its bitterness and how it leaves a different sensation once it flows in your insides. I went home slightly drunk that time. hihihi...

The first time I drank champagne was last night during Guenevierre's debut. I was enjoying a glass of fruit punch with Therese and Sherie when a waiter offered us champagne. I said "No" instinctively, but Therese and Sherie nodded, and the waiter gave each of us a glass of champagne. I stared at it for sometime, deciding whether to drink it or not. Sherie then said that we should enjoy every moment of maturity since we're all 18. I smiled and told them that I'm not 18 yet. They laughed and assured me that I'm in the company of "adults" so it's okay if I drink it. And so I did, and guess what? I became "hot" again! Yey! haha... It tasted like pineapple juice, just more alcoholic than the ordinary.

Over all, I liked champagne better. Anyway, by the end of the party, Nadia, Sherie, Kim (although reluctantly) and I joined the dance floor, they were all laughing at me saying that I was already drunk. I scowled at them. Not only when I got home did I realize that perhaps I am drunk, because even though I've regained my natural color, I was attacked by the vanity disease.

Perhaps the best thing in life is being able to choose the one you love, and perhaps the worst thing is not being able to choose the one who will love you back. Why is it that some people are fortunate enough to find someone whom they love and who loves them back, while others should be contented by finding either someone they love or someone who loves them? Why is it that we are not given the privilege to choose which person we want to be? Like what I've said before, there are so many questions in life, but sometimes, you will never know the answer. Reality hurts... so much.

Sparrow: Panu na to? Malungkot talaga ako! Sino naman makakatulong sa akin? Siya lang talaga, ngunit nasaan naman siya? Nasaan siya sa buhay ko?

Huwag kang iyak nang iyak, baka mamamatay ka sa dehydration.

When you're out there looking for that perfect person, keep these things in mind: people change no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older, you mature and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and different wants. The person who was perfect for you at 18 could be the person you hate at 25 or 30. You have to find someone who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack. Remember that there's no such perfect person in this world, but there will always be someone who'll complete you.

So true don't you think? Well, true it may be, but there's one problem: Where is that person who's gonna complete you? Where? Who is he? When will you find him? When will you see him? So many questions, and yet the answer lies in your future, one future that you will only meet when the appropriate time comes, so there's only one solution: WAIT.

But how long will you wait? Will your long time wait be worth it after all? Is it guaranteed that you will certainly have what you've been waiting for? More questions... fewer answers. I guess I'll leave you at that. Leave a comment and tell me what you think. Maybe you can give me the answer I seek...

Day by day, I'm really getting more and more addicted to Ehlo Huang. Well, in a way he can serve as my inspiration, so that's a good thing I guess. I mean, it's not as if I spend the whole afternoon searching and uploading his pics in Multiply when I should have been studying. *Cousin shoots a death glare at me* Okay, maybe I am doing that... haha... but, hey, since I want to meet Ehlo so badly, I'm gonna study real hard so I can be a superstar someday. And that includes 1. eating three normal meals a day, 2. no snacks, 3. no sweets, 4. exercise!, 5. go to the gym, 6. exercise more, 7. eat fruits and vegetables instead of rice, 8. don't pig out on food, 9. avoid buffets, 10. avoid attending debuts with buffets, 11. learn belly dancing?!, 12. still, exercise! :P

As for school, still normal stuff happens. But once in a while, weird things happen to me too. Just a few days ago I posted about a funny experience at the bazaar, I forgot to share another experience that happened on that same day.

After my swimming PE class, I changed and dashed off at once to the guidance office for my semester-ly guidance interview. After an hour of nothing but chit-chat with really cool Ma'am Mia, I passed by Xavier Hall hoping to hitch a ride home with a tricycle without having to walk to the tricycle stop outside SEC. I wasn't really lucky that time cause I didn't catch any passing trikes. So as I walked the long, grassy way from Xavier Hall to trike stop, I avoided walking on the grass because of my sandals, but I also avoided the cars zooming past me. I was avoiding one particular Expedition that I stepped onto the grass and I yelped as I saw what was lying just beside my foot. It was a frog! Well, more like a dead and upside down frog. It was SOOO disgusting. I almost barffed. Good thing I already digested my lunch. Eeww...

As for yesterday, it was definitely a hottah-hottah day. If Tom Hanks had survived his outcast days and landed in our university, he would think it was summer. Anyway, good thing I have my favorite blue cap with me. Well, there goes cap girl on her way home. She rides a trike to escape the dreadful heat. And as the trike zooms across long Katipunan road, a sudden wind blew against my face, and guess what? My cap flew away! Gad! Curse the trike for having a hole at the back, I watched sullenly as my cap flew away from me and got crushed by the car right behind the trike I was in. Sob. It was my favorite cap.... *still emo-ing over my cap*

Theory No. 2
The Money Theory

Based on my personal experience, I can conclude that whoever said "Money isn't everything." obviously haven't experience the feeling of being rich. Besides that, whoever said that "Money doesn't make the world go round." either didn't have enough money to spend or he didn't know how to spend his money for leisure. And that's just so stoopid...!

I wanted to share something very funny that happened to me today.

This morning, during my break before Math class, Danna. Mika and I went to the Meccamall bazaar. There were lots of good and exotic stuff there so I highly invite everyone to go. :p Anyway, back to my story. I went into this booth and saw a display of "Unbreakable Headbands". I was curious, so I asked the shop keeper about it.

Shopkeeper: Eto Ma'am oh. Di siya napuputol. (bending the headband back and forth like it were made of rubber)
Honey: Oooohhh... Magkano?
Shopkeeer: 50 pesos lang ho. (still bending the headband back and forth)
*SNAP*
(Honey and shopkeeper looks down at a headband broken into two pieces)
Shopkeeper: Hala! Ate magkano ba to? (to herself) Naku babayaran ko pa to!
(Honey creeps away of the stall.)

There you have it. Poor girl. She scared away her customers and she still has to pay for the broken headband. Tsk tsk.

Cards of Fortune

Today I had my "fortune" read... again! It comes to show how superstitious I've become over the years. Well, it's definitely not the first time I believed in predictions from cards.

The first time I tried it, I was still a sophie. We were waiting at our somewhat private make-up room situated at the backstage of CCP. With nothing up our sleeves and idly waiting for our turn to perform, my batchmates who were also members of the orchestra shuffled the cards, and instead of playing the usual Pusoy Dos and Heart Attack, we played fortune telling, well at least, love life fortune that is. Remembering the names I said that time still gives me the laughs. Of course, they were mere crushes, but at that time, they were like the world to me. hehe... It was so stupid of me to give them such importance. I guess that time, I was persuading myself to like someone else to avoid "misunderstandings".

Anyway, the second time I had my fortune read, and yes, this time it is my life in general, was just this year, during a free cut in Lit. Of course, there's Monsieur John who is renowned for his, shall we say, prophetic skills. He was able to predict my past, present and future. Well, both my past and present were kinda accurate, so I reckoned the future prediction will be accurate as well. Suprisingly though, it wasn't that good. I would never forget those haunting words he said: "Either your husband, or your son will have a problem in his life." I was like: "WTF?" I've always dreamed of a happy family, a husband who loves me and cherishes me for who I am, and a son, who looks exactly like his father, to whom I will dedicate all the love and care I can give all my life. So that prediction came as a shock to me and no matter how hard I tried, I still can't manage to bring to the back of my mind. Damn for being too superstitious. Sometimes, when the predictions are bad, I just can't help myself and believe these bad things.

Well, after a few meditations and self-reflection over the sembreak, I finally placed all these love life stuff behind me. What's more important right now, is my own success, achieving my own dreams, so definitely, love can wait. Of course, don't be fooled, friends when I said I "divorced with my ex-husband and now has found a new one", my "husbands" are really artists. I'm just indulging myself with celebrity cuties to keep my mind away from reality boys. So, a while ago, when Rudolf was talking about cards and love life predicting, I curiously asked him to read my fortune. And when he asked the number of letters of my crush's name, I instinctively, and playfully said 4. Just a hint, that stands for E--O. Before you guys start guessing, it's not Elmo, and the guy I was pertaining to is a Taiwanese singer, well some of you might know him. Here comes the good part, when the predictions came out, me and the guy are actually CLOSE. And there's another man-obstacle, standing between us. (Hmm... now who could that be?) Anyway, suprisingly, I'm actually close with the "man of my dreams" and he's an artist. Haha... can't stop chucking everytime I think of that.

But, wait a minute, was it just a joke or a game, or is it really predicting what WILL happen to me in the future?

Here's another one, and it shows more Hong Kong and Korean artists... I think. Haha.. this is fun!

I remember Chicki saying that I looked like Angelina Jolie, guess she was right about that! Wahahahahaha...

Here are some thoughts I'd like to share about women... particularly mothers.
Actually, I just got them while skimming through my old emails.
I hope you guys like it the way I did!

~~Beauty of a Woman~~
The beauty of a woman is not the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the care that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman
With time, only grows...

~~The Images of Mother~~
4 YEARS OF AGE My mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, mother doesn't know that, either!
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let's get mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom...

I just realized how stupid my actions were for the past few days. First, I've been sulking on my life because of a teleseries, then I pollute my already polluted mind with yet another Taiwanese boy band, then I completely lose hope because of some stupid grade. Grr... I hate myself for being so weak. How could I have forgotten the promise I made to myself 6 years ago? To prove myself and to prove them wrong, that's what my life is about! Just like what John said: "Believing brings us a step closer our wildest dreams." Am I dreaming wildly? I hope not. Can I seriously reach ALL my dreams? I sure hope so. No matter what happens, I'll still keep on believing... I guess.

Today's the release of grades.
































No comment. Just leave me alone.

Craving for....................
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..............183 Club!!!

Right now, 183 Club is love!!!! WOOOOOOOT!

The fairy tale is finally over. Well, though it was a happy ending, it wasn't really my idea of a fairy tale ending. Anyway, what's important was everyone found their true love in the end. Sigh. Makes me want to search for my own true love as well. I'm still in senti mode, so I don't have much to say. So, I guess I'll just share some quotes/messages I received that really hit my emotions now.

We used to think that life is a fairytale: full of magic, exciting, vivid! But that was a long time ago. Now, we know that there's more to life than just "happily ever after". We've learned that we get wiser each day, and no fairy can lead us to a happy ending. We decide, we struggle, and somehow we begin to understand that we have the power to make each day better than yesterday.

And to add to that, we will soon realize that other people's happy ending doesn't have to be your happy ending too. As they say, be original, act yourself, and you'll definitely find your own happy ending.

Wow! I think I'm finally convincing myself. hehe... Hope I succeed! Wish me luck!

What time is it?! Woohoo... I've been sleeping really late nowadays. Anyway, I've done QUITE some things today. I went to visit friends, borrowed some clothes. When I got home, I started reading Witch mag. Yah, I'm kind of old to read such stuff, but what the heck, I learn from them so... don't comment! hehe... Then it's time for Frog Prince again, I'm at the last four episodes already, but I got a new teleseries up my sleeve. Sharm will definitely find this boring, cause it's not the cheesy, romantic, love story she likes. It's... you know type Sharm so that will do. haha... well toodles then.

Hey, I just noticed not much people are visiting my blog. Boohoo...:( Do I have to start contests like what Meklot did? Anyway, I really haven't finished watching Frog Prince, but I think I'll soon file a divorce with JJ Lam, because now I'm falling in love with someone in 183 Club. Hehe... Although I was kidding about the divorce part, but I'm quite serious with the rest though. :P

Yes, yes I'm procrastinating again. A week of sembreak has passed and I haven't finished a single chapter. I certainly hope I could finish at least one after I finished watching Frog Prince. Lately, I've been busy searching and saving videos of 183 Club and 7 Flowers at You Tube. Wow, now I see the advantage of You Tube besides my No. 1 source of Bleach.

I've also been quite a nerd last week. Still no baked items because we haven't bought the necessary ingredients yet. So what was left to do was reading, sleeping, watching TV and Frog Prince, and surprisingly, studying! Sigh. I guess I am desperate...

It surprises me how a mere teleseries could make me think this much. Well, I know I'm a thinker. But I usually resume my thinking-self after I watched a really meaningful movie or read a really inspiring book. And yet, how can "The Frog Prince" become a meaningful and inspiring film? Yes, its definitely a comedy just by the looks of the design of the DVD: a cartoon frog wearing a little crown. The story is also a comedy: a girl coming from a poor family, whose ultimate goal is to marry a rich guy, and on she goes on her adventure to find the perfect rich guy for a husband. Still, this film made me think a lot. I thought that this story may seem like a comedy, but I could easily relate it with my own life.

Well, laugh if you must, but I always picture myself as a princess waiting for my prince. Probably because I watched too many Princesses' movies when I was a kid, that I started to believe that every girl has a prince meant for them, and that the princess will have to wait, until the day when her prince charming will come and sweep her off her feet and bring her to the wonderful palace, where they live happily ever after. Sigh. I used to believe that everything will end with happily ever after. It wasn't until I grew up, got my heart broken many times and got to college, till I realized that, WAIT! Reality check. Life ain't that perfect. A fairy tale princess may go through many hardships, but in the end, she would finally meet her prince. But a real life princess will go through all sorts of difficulties, and what does she get in the end? A frog, or perhaps, she'll just die an old maid.

I once received a text from a friend. It goes this way:
It's better for a princess to sleep a hundred years and be kissed and awaken by the right prince, than to stay awake and be kissed a hundred times by the wrong frog.

When I got this message I was like "WOW! That surely hit the spot." But just like what I said, real life isn't a fairy tale. Poor girls finding their rich princes only happen in movies. In real life, no way! Only rich girls get the good guys. 麻雀变凤凰是不可能的。“A maya bird can't turn into a phoenix." Once a poor girl, always a poor girl. Only way to become rich is counting on yourself, and not one your non-existent prince charming.

"I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, just a lie you got to rise above."

在最紧急关头，绝望将会变成希望。
"At the worst scenario of your predicament, your hopelessness would become your hope. "

I'm not really good at translating, and I know most of you can't understand Chinese, but I find this really inspiring. I got this line from a Taiwan teleseries. The protagonist told a story about a frog who was stuck in the desert. It kept digging into the earth to find a source of water. One day, when the last of its strength was about to fade away, it dug upon a huge rock. At the sight of it, the frog gave up and eventually died of thirst. What it didn't know, if it had only moved that big rock, water it had longed for so long would gush out of the earth.

Lesson of the story? When you're feeling hopeless, the more you should not give up. Instead, you should keep on working for your goal, and your feeling of hopelessness would turn into your source of hope.

Whoever said that money isn't everything simply didn't have enough money to spend for himself. And the rich man who said money doesn't make the world go round, simply didn't know how to spend his money on meaningful stuff. I'm not rich. I'm not poor either. But I lack the financial capability of availing the basic "wants" of a human being. Am I complaining or ranting about my life? Maybe yes maybe no. But if I were given the chance to choose, I want to be born rich. I would not want to suffer the liabilities I suffered right now.

idle day

First official day of sembreak. Well let's see what I did... I was supposed to start with Chapter 15, then I was supposed to read the first 100 pages of Angels and Demons, I was supposed to bake the first batch of brownies, I was supposed to watch the first 10 episodes of Frog Prince. But guess what? I slept the whole day. I woke up just to eat lunch and dinner, and to read around 30 pages from my book. Oh well, I have to attend a wedding tomorrow, then the school's procession in the afternoon, so I guess my next FRUITFUL sembreak day would be on Monday. hehe.. Wish me luck then!

First sem is finally over. Now I got plenty of time to spend this sembreak. What's so good in college, is that you get to spend a longer sembreak compared to highschool. The many things I plan to do this sembreak include sleeping, writing new chapters for my stories, download new songs and pics, play games, watching TV, watching DVD and of course cooking and baking for my cousins. It feels so great and relieving to know that I won't have to go to school for 3 weeks. Hooray! Oh well, till here then.

Mastermind is officially over. Now I be heading back to my ordinary student self. After Friday, I'm officially free. By then, I should have about more to say here. I'd also be updating my story. Phew... hope I'll be able to do that. Till here for now then.

~I still love him... weeee!

I think I'm in love again, but surprisingly, my new crush is actually the "bad-boy" type. Eeeck! I usually don't like "bad boys" but I don't know why I finally fell for one. Anyway, this is so not the time for crushes. Gotta stop thinking about him. *medidates ~ooooom.....~* Finals, finals, finals, finals, finals, finals, finals...

Who would you choose: the one you love or the person who loves you?

First of all, take note that this world is not a perfect world. Nothing is perfect, and so are we. Because we are not perfect, we cannot expect things to be perfect as well. Then what shall we do about this? I guess the only way is to be easily contented.

They say that in your life, you will meet three people: the one you love, the one who loves you, and the one you will spend your life with. Sadly, these three people are not the same person. What a sad but true reality. It comes to show that it's so hard to love someone. And after all the hardships you've gone through to love him, you still can't call him yours. Well what's the point of loving if that's the case, right?! Wrong. Just as I've said, nothing is perfect, life isn't perfect. You can love that person during your life time, but since life ain't perfect, that person won't love you back. When the person you love breaks your heart, stop, and think for a while. Didn't you just break the heart of the person who loves you?

Well of course, if you can't be with the one you love, and you don't want to be with the one who loves you, you would just have to be with the one you don't love and doesn't love you back for the rest of your life. Sad isn't it? Well you're asking for it!

Why do I say that? Because you're being a stupidly stubborn person. So what if the person you love doesn't love you back? Don't you feel fortunate that someone actually loves you? Love is easy to give and hard to receive as they say. So when someone loves you, why don't you try loving him back? Life ain't perfect, so if someone knocks at your heart's door, open it wide, invite him in. Who knows, perhaps once you fall in love with him, you'll find out that you're one of the few lucky ones in the world who could find the three persons in just one guy.

The one who loves me. Because it is he who cherishes me, it is he who cares for me, and it is he who knows how much I'm worth in this world, which even I cannot say myself.

Tomorrow's our finals in Filipino... EEEEEP!!! I am so dead, mashed, gonna screw up, what else? I am so d*** nervous! Then tomorrow's also our long test in math! Double EEEEP!!! Then next week is hell week: finals week!!! Triple EEEEEEEEP!!! I'm so gonna die. Wish me luck!!! Boohoo!

- A bad case of worms -

I went to school yesterday to attend a make-up class for Ma18. After class, I stayed behind to chat with Sher and EJ along the corridors of Sec A. And guess who we found in need of company? A small worm the size of a fingernail. I was the first one to find him, slowly and quietly wriggling beside us. Well, we were amazed and disgusted at the same time seeing how its body would arch up and down as it wriggled its way to who knows where. Too engrossed on it were we, that we look so stupid staring at it for around 10 minutes or so, not moving a single muscle. I wasn't sure who started the idea, but Sher was the one who found a way to fulfill it. After fumbling in her bag, she found a sheet of paper, with which, without warning, she sliced the worm in its middle. How dreadful it was to see both ends of the worm squirm as the paper ran between it. Sher got disgusted at once and released the paper which left the worm writhing in pain. Dreadful and pitiless that act was yet we didn't stop there. The worm, probably sensing the danger that lie ahead of him, took a U-turn. I took the upperhand and I blew at it. It tossed a little and landed on his legs in around a few millimeters away from where he originally was. Well for him that could be miles... Anyway, that got it dizzy for quite a while, and with no plan to seize action, the three of us started blowing at it. And a huff and a puff and we blew the worm off the edge of the seat and in to the jagged rocks of oblivion below. Before I left, EJ announced that he spotted the worm still wriggling over the rocks, but it didn't matter to me anymore if it were alive or not. I thought of what I did to the poor worm. I know I was mean to do that, but I considered it a kind of stress relief. Frankly, I'm feeling like the worm now, dizzy and with no place to go. But how I wish there really is someone up there blowing me around, because at least the time will come when he will get tired of fooling me around, and I can finally be in peace with myself, and get on with my life.

Why haven't I posted for so long?
1. I'm so not in the mood.
2. I'm in a really, really bad mood. Nothing I've done turned out right, and that fact is pissing me off.
3. Problems, problems, problems. Friends, school, and more.
4. Bad weather. I didn't have internet connection for two days.
5. I'm just... feeling really bad.

It comforts me that at least there was someone who reacted to my previous post. I wrote that out of exaperation and despair with my life, and now, I'm really surprised that there are still people out there who show concern for me. Well, though it may only be one person, I now know who are my real friends, or should I say friend. Thank you friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I owe you everything that I am now, and for who I will become.

I looked up to see a pair of stern eyes staring down at me. He had the physical features of an old man, and yet when he spoke, he didn't seem old at all, but probably just about my age at least. Behind me, I could here the typewriter's click-click sound. "So how has your life been since?" I was startled at the question. Why should I tell the truth to a stranger? I thought. I wanted to say that life was doing me fine, but he seemed to have read my thoughts and before I could say anything, his gaze bore on me again and said: "Honey Lynne Sy, tell me the truth. Because I would easily know it if you are lying." I gulped, cold sweat forming on my forehead. I quickly wiped it off with the back of my hand. I don't want to answer the question, but every second I spent not answering him, his creepy gaze kept boring into me I couldn't control myself anymore. "It's kinda difficult living nowadays." was all I said. That somewhat satisfied the old man as his look on me softened a bit. "Is that so?" his hands folded in front of him. I nodded. "Tell me about this difficult life of yours?" I gulped again. What do you mind? I wanted to ask, but thought better of it. "Well, there's school, grades and..." I couldn't go on. "And?" He pressed on. Silently, I dropped my eyes and murmured silently. "Friends." "What did you say?" Damn, don't make repeat that again! But I gave in nonetheless. "I'm having problems with my friends." A smile formed across his lips. The nerve of this man to smile on my problems. I wanted to stand up and leave, but my legs seemed to have stuck to the floor. The old man winked at someone behind me, probably whoever was typing on that noisy and irritating typewriter. Then his look went back to me. "Tell me Honey Lynne, what has happened with you and your friends?" Suddenly, that urge came back to me. Everytime someone asks me that question, I want to tell them my problems there and then. But the moment I gave myself time to think before speaking, I would think twice and decide to keep things to myself. The man seems to know my problems but thought it better to hear it first hand from me. Should I tell him? I opened my mouth, but no voice came out. Shamefully, I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to find the courage to say it." The look on his eyes changed instantly. From that stern and later on seemingly mocking look, it had turned soft and deep in understanding. I continued to sob, and for the first time, no one stopped me from crying. It felt great to let the tears fall, as if my problems were being washed away through the process. "But child, you have to tell." I looked at him again. "Why should I, Father? Didn't you tell me before that I have to settle my own problems? If I tell You, it doesn't make any difference at all. The load you gave me would still wear me down, and I will continue to be my own, lonely and friendless self, living in this world with no purpose at all." Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It gave me the warmth that I needed so much. The old man was standing beside me, a smile on his lips. But it wasn't a mocking smile anymore, instead, a really kind and caring smile. I tried to smile back, but it was pretentious that it disappeared the moment it appeared. "It is true that I can't help you with your problems. It is your burden, your challenge in life. But if you tell me, I assure you, you will find the courage to carry your burden, and you will not find it difficult at all." I was inspired by his words. He handed me a pen and thick stack of papers. "Here. I won't force you to tell me. But write it down, and I promise you, you will feel a lot better." I took it and looked at it for sometime. Should I write it down? Will I find the courage to do so? Just the same, will I find the courage to face my fears? Will I find the courage to carry the burden God has given me?





I guess I will, and I did. By writing this down, I have started on my quest on discovery... of self.

The project is finally over. Thank God I was able to pass it on time, even by the last minute. Can you believe my luck? The deadline of submission was Wednesday, 11:55 Pm. Guess what time I submitted my project? 11:54 Pm! Whew that was SOOO... close.


Finally hell week is over. I really miss doing the stuff I like to do before. Reading fanfic, uploading photos, searching for pictures, downloading music, writing for fanfic ( my beloved story is abandoned! )... but I know I can't do all of that just yet. There's still the upcoming finals... I'm so worried about that. I guess what I have to look forward the most for now is the sembreak. I do hope I can really get to enjoy my vacation then. Sigh.

Huzza huzza!

The internet is back!

The sparrow is back!

The sparrow left!

The sparrow left to work on her auction house!

The auction house made sparrow feel very stupid!

The auction house killed sparrow!

The sparrow died!

*God bless her soul...*

Amazingly, I survived a week without internet... barely though. Sorry for my very, not-so-updated posts. I promise I'll be back to my frequenlty-updating self once I get my hands on ANY available internet connection at home. On the contrary though, I figured I was really spending too much time on internet before. Since I can't read fanfics or watch Bleach for the past week without internet, I spent more time studying. Yuck... kinda nerdy but helpful to me just the same. I should really cut down my internet time when we get our connection back... wouldn't wanna sacrifice my studies... ya dig?! Toodles!

I know it's not like me not to update this blog for days, I'm having a hard time myself. Imagine, no internet at home for 5 days already!!! I can't live anymore if this goes on!!!

It all started last Saturday, I went shoe-shopping with my mom. Well of course, we shopped but we didn't buy anything. My rubber shoes are worn out, and I need shoes badly for futsal. Still, we DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING. Oh well, I'll be getting them soon, I guess. When I got home, I went directly to doing my homework, internet and all laid aside.

On Sunday, our usual family rituals of Sunday lunch together, then we were home bound. Then did I realize that WE DON'T HAVE INTERNET!!! I had to endure doing my English homework without chatting in YM. The day droned on lifelessly, as I satisfy my net-needs with the High School Musical soundtrack my aunt bought for my cousins.

Monday alas and I could check my mail at the lab. I have so many mails to read! I really need the internet badly so I can get extra information for our Java project. Still, no internet when I got home...

I couldn't play futsal yesterday because of pains in my stomach. And I wanted to play so badly... sob. I thought I could finally do my usual stuff once I get home, but still, no internet.

I guess I know what I'll be expecting today when I get home, no internet, no internet, no internet. Good grief! I can't live like this! The internet is practically my life!!! Help, I'm dying!!! Argh!

Lately, my life's been filled with nothing else but Java. I'm really getting tired of it. Glad that I could sleep earlier than usual lately. But still, I feel like I need lots of rest. I want to watch TV but I don't have the time. My left foot is bruised and sore after two futsal games this week, yet I'm feeling good... yah! I'm troubled, sometimes, I don't know what my goal in life really is. At times, I think why am I doing this? Why am I here? Why am I still alive? What am I supposed to do? Times like these are the worst times in my life.

Back to love mode? Probably not so soon. But yes, I still love him...

It's official. I'm heartbroken... again. To those who have been asking me who my crush is, better not know it anymore. Because now, it's senseless knowing it, since it's over, all over.


Are all the good guys taken? Is my prince one who I don't love at all?


Well, blow me down, I have not an inkling on what I am to do.

Nothing much to say, since I'm busy studying for our Math LT tomorrow, but just to let you guys know, I got a new crush....!!! Haha... and he's not Mikee! Wahaha.... he's so cute, I love him so much! That's all. Wish me luck!

Last Friday, Aaron and Joshua came to ADMU to visit me. I'm so glad to see them again, knowing that they came to visit me and disregarding, at the same time, the heck of a hands-on called Sudoku Checker. Anyway, seeing the two of them again reminds me of my wonderful high school life. Considering that I'm the only Powder and Tidibur in the Ateneo, I feel secluded, lonely, igonred, what else? Sometimes, I tell myself that I really should have studied in DLSU instead, but wouldn't I be putting my future into waste? Not that DLSU isn't a good enough university, but ADMU has always been my dream university. And since I was able to avail a scholarship here, why forsake the chance? Well, the Sudoku Checker kept me busy enough. I slept at 4:30 in the morning just to finish it. My father was surprised that I woke up earlier than him, not knowing that I was just about to sleep then. Then on Saturday, I attended Esme's debut. We've been friends since grade school and I'm really happy that we're still friends until now. I also got to meet Jiji, Jeatte, Jade and Xtian. Seeing Kaira was no big surprise at all, haha. On Sunday, my and my cousin cuties ate at Pizza Hut Bistro, our favorite restaurant next to Teriyaki Boy. Well, of course, we wouldn't miss a chance to have yet another pictorial. I think I'm starting to turn them into models! haha... I love my cousins.

What I did yesterday when I got home early...
1. I took a bath.
2. I chatted with some people in YM.
3. I checked my mail.
4. I checked my blog, no one commented so far so I got a bit pissed off.
5. I checked my multiply site.
6. I read POTC fanfics to find some inspiration for my own story.
7. I downloaded Eclipse IDE, just as Kim told me.
8. I tried to start my Powerpoint presentation for my Futsal midterms.
9. I finished 20 chapters in just one sitting.
10. I could feel my eyeballs throbbing painfully.
11. I couldn't finish the Powerpoint because it kept shutting down.
12. I got tired of surfing the net because the download slowed down the connection.
13. I shut down the computer at exactly 12 MN, reading 5 more chapters of fanfic.
14. I slept at 12:30 MN.

Well, here I am getting all emotional over yet another movie. I just watched "Cinderella Story" by Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray (*love you Chad!*). Let's say, I can really reflect my life on this movie. Well, who wouldn't? Perhaps pretty and rich girls wouldn't, but girls like me would surely think that dreaming of your prince is simply a dream, and nothing more than that. Well, not everyone can be as lucky as Hillary Duff, meeting her prince over the web. And even though they went through a lot of things, well, they still ended up together didn't they? I thought, when will that happen to me? In five, ten, years I guess. Or perhaps, I'll never be that lucky at all. Not that I haven't loved at all, but like what the movie said, it's useless to wait for your prince, when he never thought of treating you as his princess. If that's the case for me, so why do I have to love? Why do I have to fall for someone, even though I know, in my right mind, that things will never work out for us at all? That he, in his right mind, wouldn't see me as a princess, but an ugly duckling? And that this ugly duckling will never become the beautiful swan she had dreamt of becoming. So, why is fate doing this to me? Can anyone tell me why?




*But I can't wait for him. Because waiting for you, is like waiting for rain in this drought: useless and disappointing."

It feels so good...
...to speak out something you've kept to yourself for two months.

It feels so good...
...to meet someone who you can entrust your problems to.

It feels so good..
...to eat hotdog again after a long time, with ketchup and mayonnaise.

It feels so good...
...to spend the day without worrying about any quiz or midterm.

It feels so good...

...to see a friend you haven't seen for almost a year.

It feels so good...
...to be relieved of a burden you've carried for so long.

It feels so good...
...to get up and let go of your love for someone, and continue living your life the way you wanted.

It feels so good...
...to know that you're simply feeling good.

No worries, no problems, no heartaches just heartbreaks, but who cares? I guess I'll get over it.


You disappointed me... but I'll continue to stand by you. You may have never loved me at all, I may have lost my love for you, but, you'll always be in my heart...

... forever. And know that I've always loved you...

Leave a comment at my tagboard if you want me to do this for you. 1. I'll respond with something random about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you. 6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. 8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. Let's go people!!! haha...



What Meklot wrote for me... and my answers. :P
HONEY.:)
1. The girl who looooooves the Mikee billboard in Katipunan.:D Baaa-haa!!:) ---> If Meklot has Tatsi, I have Mikee... haha...
2. Pirates of the Carribean 2:) Hooohhooo!! Napanuod mo na?:D ---> NOooo... :(
3. Black and White SOCCER-ball-flavored JELLO!!:) Wahahahaha!!:) ---> Yum!!! haha...
4. Evil PE Blockmates. Teehee! ---> Creeeeeepy....!!!!
5. AJSS lang naman noh!:) Hehehehe. Basta, I remember during the last day when you guys were teaching Mark and I to shuffle backwards.:P ---> Tara! Pusoy na!!!
6. Animal? Sparrows. Bees. Funny, eh? ---> Bees and sparrows yahoo!
7. Who's the guy you like in the block? YIKEE!:) ---> Hmm... another issue? hehe...

So the day has arrived. Until now, I am still in shock with what I saw a while ago. I mean, yeah I know I was never good there but I don't really think I deserve it. Not that I flunk my quizzes on purpose. I try you know, I sweat, I bleed trying to get a high score everytime. And what do I get now? I tell you it's unbearable, unexpected and unbearable seeing that bloody mark on your paper and you don't know what you're supposed to do next. Should I be crying? What a sight that would be. But perhaps I will cry, when no one's looking. I've always acted that way, so why would it make any difference this time? Can anyone tell me what I'm going to do? No. No one can help me now... I've always been this helpless. It's not the first time I fall into such a problem. And what do I do? I forcibly swallow that lump and try to forget it. But scar remains. It always does. So why would it make any difference this time?

O-K

Much has happened over the weekend. Besides the fact that I get to see Mikee every school day (obssessed... hihi), school is pretty much O-K for me. We just had our third long test in Math, which is not one very O-K thing. But the O-K part of the day is the UAnP Swap. I was really expecting to see Hanna but well, I guess she's probably too busy to join it. Too bad! Well, I spent a really O-K bonding time with Aldwin, Greg, Daph, Je, Lilia, Fave and Ted. I always went a bit gaga over the balloon inflater or whatever they call it. The program was a success, congratulations to Je! This would definitely be a significant part of my life. Go Nametaggers!!!

O-K after all the O-K stuff, here's the bad parts. 1, I think I'm gonna fail Filipino. 2, I think I'm gonna flunk Filipino. 3, I think I'm getting an F in Filipino. Gad. Then next week is hell week. Two midterms in major subjects next week: CS and Math. So much for the O-K moments. Can't like simply be O-K everyday? for the rest of my life? Sigh.

I am inspired.



Why?



because...




Mikee is back!!! woohoo!!!


I was so happy this afternoon when I looked up and saw Mikee's Bench poster back where it was. Guess the typhoons are gone for good and they've decided Mikee can finally resume his place. hehe...

Anyway, futsal today was so... challenging. It's the first time I'm this hyped up after a soccer game ever since we formally started to our weekly games. Probably because today's game was the first time I played "forward" because usually I'm the last man. Well, let's say I really had lots of fun and glad that I didn't screw up.

The midterms are coming soon and boohoo I'm so nervous. Wish me luck!

*drumroll*We have INTACT tomorrow and wahhh.... the advisory marks are coming out. Yikes!!!

I'm missing my high school friends. So I'm dedicating this post to all those friends who have made a difference in me.


~ Joshua Aragon - The "little" brother who never fails to amuse me with his corny pick up lines.

~ Jeatte Go - We've been friends since Grade 6, but we really got close only last year. The only person who truly understands everything I feel.

~ Perryn Go - The most annoying but most worth-knowing seatmate in the entire high school history!

~ Jessica Gotamco - I miss the way she slaps me at my shoulder everytime she greets me.

~ Michelle Gotohio - My never-punctual friend. I miss how she always calls me a menopause baby.

~ Aaron Lim - My poetic and accident prone "ahia". I miss his songs and his limp right arm. *poke poke*

~ Xtian Lim - The most responsible and dependable friend I have. I miss the way she laughs at my corny jokes.

~ Dianne Ngan - My "little", childish sister. The basketball addict and the smart girl who never needs to study at all.

~ Frederick Osmena - I need my punching bag!!! And also my really loving and concerned "Ahia", not to mention his cooking.

~ Meng Hua Shen - Forever taskforce-mate. I miss her cute face when she is panicking.

~ Anly Siasin - My cute and cuddly friend. I miss Anly's daily warm greetings of "Good Morning!" and "Habeeeee!!!"

~ Michelle Sy - The best seatmate ever! The only person who can say my name in a really high pitch.

~ Erik Tan - My very sleep-ful friend. Though he spends most of the time sleeping, he's the funniest guy awake!

~ Hanna Tang - My forever best friend. I miss the way we hug each other and our sizes fit perfectly with each other.

~ Diana Ting - How she always has a weird addiction to teddy bears and everything that's violet. I miss her chinky eyes everytime she smiles.

~ Suzzane Uy - Who would forget the Powder babies' dashing and pretty mother? I miss how Straw always comforts me when I'm sad.

~ Rachel Yu - I miss how she calls me "Hunny" and our heart-to-heart chats that last for hours.

I really hate people who look down on others who are FINANCIALLY incapable. I mean, what's wrong if you're poor? What's wrong if you can't afford the leisures that other people can naturally attain? I hate those people who laugh at the poor: who couldn't afford to buy new clothes, who couldn't afford to have a proper haircut every two weeks like the other rich people do, who couldn't eat properly because a simple, non-variety meal is all that they can afford. Why should there be a difference between the rich and the poor in the first place? Can't everyone just keep the amount they have in their bank account to themselves and not compare it with other people? Those bossy, rich people are going too far! Makes me want to ask them: Is that your money you're using? Did you earn it? Is it unlimited? Do you know that some rich people die a poor man because they used up all their money on senseless things? Do you know that someday, you'll be like them as well?


You can tell I'm really infuriated.

And if I hate rich and arrogant people, then I hate people who refuse to believe you're poor and force you to become what you're not even more. To make myself clear, it's because of these people, who act disbelieving when you're excusing yourself from something because you can't afford it, and the others who insist that you are rich, even though you told them a GAZILLION times that the good things you have in life are merely gifts to you. If there's one thing I hate doing, that's becoming something I'm not. And these people somehow force you into doing things you don't want to do at all. How? That is what our elders mean by peer pressure.

So don't let other people take control of your life. Remember: "Why do you try so hard to fit in, when you're born to stand out?" You don't have to please other people. Just be able to please yourself and I tell you, you're definitely living a meaningful life.

"When someone appreciates you the way you are, it touches something inside your heart, and you find yourself falling for that someone, falling deeply in love."

It's a blessing to have many friends, but it's a better blessing to have friends who are willing to help you in your problems even though they have problems themselves. I'm lucky to have both blessings. If it hadn't been for a good friend of mine, I wouldn't have realized the reason why I've been so emotional for the past two weeks. How profound of him to say it, hehe, but it's really enlightening.


Then I started thinking, putting that Auction House of a program aside, is that the real reason why I fell for him? Is it right of me to fall for him? Is he showing the same affection towards me? Or am I just hanging on to a series of false hopes? I couldn't think properly. So I played my music, guess what was the first song?

~ What can I do to make you love me What can I do to make you care What can I say to make you feel this What can I do to get you there ~

Sigh. Is fate really on my side? Or is it annoying me again?!

Wednesday, August 2.

Kimmie's bday! We also had our first GA for CompSat, and as a member of the Secretariat, I had to be at the venue 30 mins before the time to prepare for the registration. It was really fun though, I may not have joined any of the GDs, but I was able to bond with many people, including the CompSat officers.

Thursday, August 3.

What a day! Free cut for Filipino and PE. I only went to school for Math class, then I returned home right after since I still had around 5 hours before the "Anarkista" play. I planned to do some homework before I go back to school. UNFORTUNATELY, I fell asleep and woke up in time to panic that I haven't done ANYTHING yet. I hurriedly edited my last draft for my feature article, took a bath and zoomed back to school. (Of course, I didn't really ZOOM to school, it's a figure of speech that my trip back to school was really rush-rush.) The play was worth it anyway. We finished at around 9:30 pm and by the time I got home I was too tired to study for anything anymore. Boohoo!!!

Friday, August 4.

Ahia's birthday! Yehey! It was also our first hands-on exam in CS. Luckily, I think I did well during the test. What's more, we had a free cut for English! Yebah! Feature article moved to Monday. In the afternoon, I joined Celadon's GA. It was pretty much okay. There were many performances. But it was more like a Judenites' reunion for me. Anyway, we celebrated Ahia's birthday at home. Fried noodles and roast chicken, sigh, never had such a good meal for so long.

You don't want to say you're in love. You don't want to fall for the wrong person again. But why is it that everytime you see him, this heart of yours can't hold back the emotions you feel inside? Stupid mind, stupid heart, stupid emotions. You want to tell the boy to just say what he feels, say what he thinks, and not to use his little tricks to deceive you. Because you've had enough of that, enough of those little tricks all the other boys played on you. You're not going to fall for someone who's too good to be true. Why believe that there are people out there who lives by the song: "What makes you different, makes you beautiful?" This world is all about looks, girl. Wake up from your deep slumber, be practical, there won't be any sane boy who would walk up and tell you he loves you. Cause it's simply too good to be true...